Smitten --> and now??

As on 23 Nov,

Well this post is all about emotions, no editing no cutting.. whatever flows in goes in… A true straight from the heart types :P ...

(for mozilla users turn on speakers related music onn...)

So here it goes:

It's just different … I am under some influence or is it just that i am feeling captivated...or have I been “smitten” , every other time i am just thinking about the same thought.. it has covered me up… it has just taken control of every sense of mine… but I have tried resisting it...I have not even surrendered myself to it, looks like am fighting a fight that I just don’t seem to win...for the first time in my life, i have undergone such a feeling...all my principles just seem to have had gone into a partial sleep... I don’t feel like running for it now… my pace has fallen, as if now I am sure I need it... Its amazing when you only see what takes you towards your wish for, and always skip those which will drive you away... isn't it ?
“The secret” is itself implemented.

The only visual coming to my mind is of the scenes of the movie “Definitely, Maybe” , where I can see visuals of Reynolds i.e “will” letting the girl “april” know why he did not return that much cherished book to her, an year ago. Which meant like everything to her cause it was a gift from her late dad.

Scene :
Will Hayes: I kept the book...
April: Yeah?
Will Hayes: Because it was the only thing that I had left of you.

A similar feeling is running all through me, for the first time in my life am feeling helpless. I just don’t want to loose the least I have , I certainly cannot afford to do that. The only saviour I see rite now is the almighty, just hoping he will see me through this as well just as he’s done it all my life and I hope he considers the purity in my heart to decide whether he’s gonna leave me on the shore or take me through…

All this while i've been asking him for signs, n ya he's not dissapointed me. I've got signs within hours only to ma discomfort, these have been signs too difficult to decode... My side is not a gud one to be at, presently...

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New addition: - listen to this man they've described what i wanted to...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJtcf4myGBU

Could i guess it ??

I just recalled something today, that too after hearing the name of one of my most favorite teacher at college, yes you can start guessing ? …. Well it was a day that brings a smile on my face whenever I think about it, it was something I won’t call ethically wright but I loved each and every moment of it….

This happened during the days we were organizing ACE conference in our college, we being in the core committee were so busy, and were roaming all around doing bits and pieces of the leftover work. The story starts of here: Sahil comes to me and says “ajaa print out kadne ne last lab cho”, I said “I I, sir" just to sound funny. So we walk up to the lab and start off, taking out the prints. It is then that I discovered that one of our teacher was sitting on a PC abt 14 feet from us i.e roughly 5 PC’s in between, so I said “Good afternoon mam” and got an expected reply followed by a sentence “Tanuvir, have we done 'this and this' topics” in class yet ( I don’t remember what they were neither did I knew had we done them or not :P), so I looked up to sahil who said “Yes, mam”. Just then I added “Mam, are you setting our 2nd sessional paper ?”, “Yes”, she said. That was it and we resumed to take our printouts, meanwhile mam had to rush out for some urgent work.

Sahil says, ”Oye the PC is still on ”, “Which one” I said.
“laloo, the one mam was using”, “ooo” I added.
So he goes upto the PC only to find that its been locked with a password, so we carry on our work…

After sometime, mam came back with phone in one of her hand and sat down to logon. I just glared at her keyboard and because she was typing the password with one hand, I got too see much more than I should have had got to. This is how she typed in, a key at centre followed by 3-4 keys towards the top left i.e qwerty corner of the keyboard followed by a key near to enter. I looked at the keyboard in front of me and tried to figure it out what could it be ??? Try yourself before proceeding :P ….

First key: should be 1 of “fghj”.
2345: towards top left i.e qwerty.
6: a key near to enter, in the middle.

It did not take me long to figure out some guesses, I just tried to hit akey in centre of keyboard without looking at it and it was 'g', so I started of with a ‘g’ then thought the three four keys could be wera , cause q did not sound too cool ... lol :P , some reshuffling and it looked like a Punjabi jatt clan, reshuffling: “rewa” followed by a “l” i.e a key close to enter. So the password seemed to be “Grewal”. Just as I figured it out I realized mam had already gone out for some work, it was only me and sahil in that room now.

I said, ”Sahil , I just think I figured out mam’s password when she was typing”, “Are you kidding” the reply, then I told him all the logics I applied and what I had seen, he says ”Go ahead and try I will watchout”. So, here we go: I type in “grewal” and bang Windows comes up, write there in the centre of the screen is the file that says “___-2nd-sess.doc”, OMG I was so aesthetic to see that, I can’t just put it in words, a feeling of satisfaction like I had achieved an unachievable thing crept in. Though it was just an internal paper and considering I had never scored below 95% in any subject taught by that vary teacher, it still felt great and it still feels great today too.

So, I call up sahil who was actually amazed at this and I copied the file to his pendrive, we then locked the PC and started of with our work again. Now, Sahil says “Take print out of the paper as well when all the prints are done”, “Are you nuts I said, if it is found in some print history or something then?” , “Do you think anyone will be able to take it out of the history or is intelligent enough to do that or will have any thoughts of it ?? ”, “No", I said so we took out two prints (you would know many of our papers at college are half a page) i.e 2 on a page so 4 prints" and we are “off”… One went with sahil which was further shared between “manan and sahil”, one went with me ie “me and prince”, after that where was it circulated I don’t know, but I didn’t use much of it cause the paper almost covered all the taught topics :P, but it was an experience to cherish, "for long for sure"..

IT WAS ALL FOR FUN, I HAD NO SUCH INTENTIONS :P

Let me fly fly...

Let me fly fly,
with no fears,
Let me soar above the clouds,
and shred my tears.

I was brought in axile,
by my own peers,
Let me know the fact,
that brought me here.

I've been standing on the grounds,
of moving soil,
Let me drop my anchor,
and face the trial.

There were days that i feel,
I could have changed,
Now, I thrive for the times,
I failed to make.

Now, I stand with my anchor,
in this moving soil,
And, I hope to make up,
for the times I've spoilt.

Let me fly fly,
with no fears,
Let me soar above the clouds,
and shred my tears.

I want to change these times,
because i care,
I am searching for an answer,
C'mon help me here. . . . .

Retaliation...

Well this is just a random post where i saw a little bit of "lifesreality", ahh well this post is about the new hyped song "Ik baba nanak si" by babbu mann", well i am no one to comment on what is wright and what is wrong. So, here i am just to put my perspective.

I personally don't see anything wrong in this song, actually every word of it is true n the hipe being created all around is nothing but "saving ego's" . . . Hear it yourself and see if u find anything wrong in it, just let it off your mind that the singer is infact "babbu mann", leaving behind anything that creeps into your mind because of his so called "image" in your eyes.

The retaliation coming from different circles: as i understand of it is that it's nothing more than a generic human behavioral retaliation that can be summed up as "hearing truth in itslelf is a tough thing and and it commands retaliation in most humans", but what if you see it coming from people who are so called "religious teachers" who are thought of to be showing "the way of life" to millions of there so called "followers", don't you think it puts a stamp on this song instead ?? ...

Audio link : http://www.edesimusic.net/music/Indian/Artists/Babbu%20Maan/Singh%20Better%20Than%20King%20(2009)/01%20-%20Baba%20Nanak%20%5Bwww.eDesimusic.net%5D.mp3

Video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss8z0SoVZi0

Solace...

For the past few days, there was confusion about what I felt. Should i be 'sad' for what happened or 'happy' for what is happening???
(ahhh in short was back to “Dilemma Days”, I had been so used to them earlier but of lately there has been a change as for most of the things in my life.)

I had loads of questions in my mind but no answers to them. It really became difficult to understand what problems had I been facing was it about “people or places”, and I must tell you at times I am quite vulnerable at sorting out confusions in my mind as I’ve started putting in a lot of thought to whatever goes in my mind, so probably this was the time I needed help, help in venting out things going in my mind. Cause I thought it was getting all messy in there just like an overloaded “hard disk”, and this “hard disk” of my mind is too important, so had to be saved somehow from crashing…

A beautiful feeling runs through you when you are taken care of. It just strikes at the moment when you feel left out in the world. And when you get it at a time you most need it, it feels so good. It shows how important you are in someone's life. Today, I am truly cherishing the presence of a few very good people in my life (I don’t need to name them because they know themselves). They are friends who understand me completely. Well how do we define a friend ?? the only defination i carry for a friend: someone who understands you and is there for you in need, it doesnt matter how long we've been together it's just in there, in your heart or mine, thats it.

They may be distinctive in nature, thoughts and personality but they share a common thing, a place in my heart. The way they have channelised my life into a positive direction is remarkable. A very special thanks to them who lifted up my spirits just when i needed it the most. They are perfect examples of true friends...Standing up with me through thick and thin, even if i pulled their leg... ;)

I adore you to the core and just wanted to say that you are cherished...Always keep smiling and keep rising, n may the almighty bless you with everything and anything in life....

Thanks for being in my life..... :) :)

And thanks to 'thy almighty' for letting me have you in my life !!

For there has to be a "Reason".

It feels great to see things going out your way and having a positive influence by your side... But what if they are not ??

This post traces its roots from a conversation with a friend.

It’s something I‘ve thought about of lately, I dunno how much of it would I be able to express but still giving it a try, maybe if someone can find in a solution to there problem resulting from this post or even see a ray of hope, I would cherish that very moment and will surely make me feel a lot better.

Well judging people, who are two faceted and show you different colours once you are around or off, is very tough and painful. But there is actually nothing you can do about it. Just be nice to everyone because the right kind of people will never form an opinion about you in a hurry and for the rest of the world you need not CARE...!!! Care for only those who truly deserve it, in every sense...

There are certain things which you can’t reason out why they happen. Maybe they “are destined to” or “to teach you a lesson for the future”. But ultimately they happen for the good, even if you realize it in the long run. Even if you find people backbiting on you (with all those creepy mind generated stuff about you) that shows there is a force that is pushing them into it, for there has to be a reason for that to happen and if that reason is not because you did a similar deed to them, than I personally think it shouldn’t be a problem for you at all….

“That’s just the way the world works. Everyone who enters your life comes to you at precisely the time that you most need to learn the lesson they’ve come to teach.”
We human beings think that our lives are governed by random events and that the people who enter and exit do so purely by chance. Nothing could be further from the truth. There’s no chaos in our world, only order. There are no coincidences—ever. Our lives aren’t run by good or bad luck, but by an intelligent process designed to help us evolve into our best selves.”

Well I was never going to find a solution nor do i have the capabilities to direct someone, it's all yours to find out for yourself and thats where the "essence" lies...

Hope it will help you in some form or the other for "there has to be a reason for me putting this post here" ......

Orkut :- the start of Social Networking….

Today ahhh was just sittin idle thinking what to do while my steam client was getting updated, it read 39 % at that time. So I just opened up orkut (which somehow I have seized to use of lately), what next ummm should I goto “Communities and read stuff about joinings @ Accenture, counter strike, Enrique, bbsbec2005 ?? nah something else I opened up ma friendlist which read “182 friends”…

So I started browsing these profiles, with every profile, I could remember some old memories attached with that person first thought when did I add him or her ?? how had our friendship been, and what it is today. Some are with me right now, but many are not. There were some who could not make it to this new profile of mine, once google just trashed ma old google account neways that’s another story for another day.

So the thought process: Some of the people on list were added here me long before, and some are recent. Some good friends, some acquaintances, and some even ‘haven’t met’ types. There were those whom I’ve added and wanted to be in touch always, but probably couldn’t, may be due to the changing phases that come in every friendship..Then, there were friends whom I used to talk a lot online, but could see them pass by without saying even a ‘hi’. That was a kind of hypocrisy, or escapism. But none can be blamed. Ahh I remember sending those friend request both to known and unkown people :P … Bust this was a phase of life I was out of it soon, Recently I haven’t sent a friend request for months just accepted some and rejected some…

A feeling: I wanted to write a testimonial to express how good and important they are to me, I have done it for a few, a few still to go.

............................

“Orkut” what is it just a site ? nah I dunn guess so though these days the feelings are a bit different, but I cherish orkut ya I do. For it has given me a chance to know some people which otherwise I wouldn’t ever had known, friends ya some of them became with the way they touched my life, sadly not everyone of them could make it or take it as I couldn’t make it with them. But ya it has given me numerous memories to cherish, unlimited laughs, hours of discovering new people, new beliefs, n there are still friends on my list whom I haven’t met in person and I’ve been talking with them for almost 4 years now…. It’s a special feeling yes it is…

Did I know what wud it end into when I signed up for orkut ?? NOoooo….
Though these days most of people prefer gtalk to chat rather than replying to scraps… But I still try to keep it moving cause I love it for what it is.. And specially now facebook has eventually caught up the circles and is definitely making shifts in users specially in my friend circle for sure, but it's into your friendcircles not into discovering new connections, even if it is not to an extent orkut was or is :P ...

To end up for the people reading this right now, for those who are on my orkut friendlist, what do you think our relationship would have been the same if not for orkut ??

The last thing on mind Orkut – U did rock, u rock n u will…. Go go go….

From where i see...

"From where i see under the morning sun,
Looking at past times n thinking could it be more fun. "

Sitting in the bus through the window that glared,
I see the road beneath passing by,
It changes into a timeline on constant stare,
with stills from the past underneath my eyes.

Revisiting the times both good and bad,
Sometimes i was crazy n sometimes mad,
It brings a smile on my face,
Revisiting those times in all there grace.

At first i thought it was a result of feeling bored,
Having deleted all the songs the previous day,
Then i made a comparison between my life and the road,
N Found some similarities along the way.

My life has been like an urban indian highway,
With only a very few bumps along the way.

But Now I am heading towards a road block pretty soon,
And have to diverge to a bumpy suburban way.
With some tough times to come and help me groom,
With almighty's blessing i'll reach another highway.

"From where i see under the morning sun,
Looking at past times n thinking could it be more fun....."

What If Life !!!

What if life only lasted a day,
Do you think we'd appreciate it better?
What if life was like hell,
Do you think we would dream?
About a life like we have now?
What if in life we had everything,
Do you think it would get boring?
Why want another life?
Your life is perfect already....

Sometimes I wish I could ...

"Sometimes I wish I could turn back time,Impossible as it may seem ,But I wish I could so bad baby..........."
This backstreet song has been ringing on my mind for sometime now, why ?, maybe this is what has been goin on in my mind oflately and this is what i could find:-

"I wish i could go back in time and be the person 'I' used to be an year ago: "a time when i was much more confident about what i was doing", "a time when i was much more positive towards life", "a time when i did not need to keep myself busy in stuff, just to take ma mind off certain things(***)", "a time when there was no fuss around and a time when i had full control over ma thoughts and ma mind"...

And there are various examples that i can site from life, where i've changed a lot: there was time wen i could virtually spend my whole day lazzily sittin back watchin TV all day (Discovery+NGC+Cricket), and then i could even watch movies that too even 3-4 a day and still when i would go to bed i would feel relaxed but it aint the same now, though i do watch cricket even now but the same passion aint dere nemore. Yes i know "Change is the only thing constant in this world" but sometimes in life you feel wish this would have had gone the other way... isn't it? . Haven't you had this feeling netime neday?(ask your heart)...But the point is why? its our life isn't it, we designed it our way;it was we who took the decisions that led us here, wouldn't it be bad on "thee's part" ???
Cause always remember it's he who's made us all n he makes no mistakes !!! .

And now am back to where i started from, still looking for an answer to my own question, guess this is what this blog is about.
Maybe destined for a little help from your side.